


Start Again

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: I See Red [2]
Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 18:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1697831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if they had one more chance? What if...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Again

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be real here. The entire fandom ships Erik and Charles, so I'm not gonna bother saying they're a thing. 
> 
> Red - Start Again

**_And I remember everything,_ **   
**_Everything I loved,_ **   
**_I gave it away like it wasn't enough_ **   
**_All the words I said and all you forgive_ **   
**_How could I hurt you again?_ **

_How did we get back here? How did we go through the motions, the memories just to end up back here? How did we start again only to come full circle? Saving the future, we repeated the past, how did it come to this again? How did I hurt you again? How did I look at everything I had, everything I took back, everything I loved, how did I look at it all and throw it away like it meant nothing? How did I? We made a start at fixing this, at fixing us, and I threw it away all over again. How could I do that?_

He’s not new to this. Not new to this self-hatred, not new to this guilt. He’s not new to this. Guilt and he are old friends, old enemies, but then aren’t those two words always synonymous when he’s involved? He’s not above re-evaluation of his actions, only re-evaluation always leads to the same place. Anger. Self-hatred. Guilt. He’s not above re-evaluation, he’s just not particularly fond of it.

**_What if I let you in?_ **  
**_What if I make it right?_ **  
**_What if I give it up?_ **  
**_What if I want to try?_ **  
**_What if you take a chance?_ **  
**_What if I learn to love?_ **  
**_What if, what if we start again?_ **

_What if I let you back in here? What if I let you waltz through my mind like you once used to? What if I stop fighting them? What if I try it your way? What if I learn to love it? What if we…? What if we start again, Charles? Can we do that? Can we…?_

He’s not new to this. Not new to this pleading, not new to this bargaining. Bargaining and pleading are old friends of his, old enemies, from back when he was a little Jewish boy among all the other little Jewish boys with dead mothers, dead father’s, dead everyone else. He’s not above pleading, not above bargaining, but when has it ever worked? Why does he keep going back to it? He’s never been fond of it.

**_All this time_ **  
**_I can make it right_ **  
**_With one more try_ **  
**_Can we start again?_ **  
**_In my eyes,_ **  
**_You can see it now,_ **  
**_Can we start again, can we start again?!?_ **

_I can do it, after everything, after all this time, I can still do it, I can still make this right. You can see that can’t you? You can see it in my eyes. I can make this right. I can do it. If I try just one more time, I can make this right. Can we start again? Please? I can do it, I can do it, we just need to start again._

He’s not new to this. Not new to this naivety, not new to this determination. They are his old friends, his old enemies. He’s always been naïve, believing that if he wants something hard enough he’ll be able to get it. Believing that if he just tries hard enough he’ll get what he wants. He’s always been so determined. He’s not above giving up, not above seeing the truth in front of his eyes. He’s not above that at all, he’s just not very fond of it.

**_Emptiness inside me, wonder if you see_ **  
**_It's my mistake and it's hurting me_ **  
**_I know where we've been_ **  
**_How did we get so far?_ **  
**_What if, what if we start again?_ **

_Can you see the emptiness inside of me? Can you see how much this mistake is hurting me? I know where we’ve been, what we’ve seen, how much we have lost. How did we get so far? How did we go so wrong? What if we…? What if we start again? Can we start again?_

He’s not new to this. Not new to this honesty, not new to this self-evaluation. They are old friends of his, old enemies, he holds them in such high regard. But they hurt, as stinging and blinding as those plastic bullets the humans insist on using against him. He’s not above honesty and self-evaluation, he just isn’t rather fond of them.

**_I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you,_ **  
**_I can't stop holding on, I need you with me!!!_ **  
**_I'm trapped inside the pain_ **  
**_Can we ever start again?_ **  
**_I'm lost without you!!!_ **

_Oh Charles, I’m a fool. I’m a fool. I thought I could cope. I thought I could do this. I survived without you for song long, I thought this time would be no different but it is. Oh Charles, why can’t we start again? Why can’t we start again? I’m nothing without you. I’m lost without you. Please._

He’s not new to this. Not new to this denial. Denial and he are old friends, old enemies from back in the day when he was just a little Jewish boy with a dead mother and a dead father and a dead everything else. He’s not new to denial, he’s just not really fond of it. But he is taken. He’s wretched. He’s compromised. He’s been brought low.

**_One more try,_ **  
**_Can we start again?_ **  
**_In my eyes, can you forgive me now?_ **  
**_(Can we start again?)_ **  
**_Can we start again (one more try?)_ **  
**_Can we start again?_ **  
**_Can we start again (can you forgive me?)_ **  
**_Can we start again?_ **

_Why can’t we start again?_

“Erik. Erik, you have to let him go. It’s over. He’s gone. Erik.”

“No, I can fix this.”

“It’s too late, Erik. You had your chance.”

“No. I can.”

_Why do you never answer me? Why do you never speak? I know you can hear me._

“Erik, please, you have to let him go.”

“We had a chance to start again…”

“Yes, you did, and that chance is gone now, Erik. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but it is, and you need to let him go.”

“Why couldn’t we just start again?”

“Because you… because he lost too much blood, because too many vital organs in his body were hit. Because he bled out in a matter of seconds. Because… because you just couldn’t. Erik, let him go. He’s been gone for months now, why can’t you let him go?”

“We were meant to start again…”

_Charles.._

“Erik. You know he forgave you? You know he always forgave you everything. Erik, he wouldn’t want you to feel like this, Erik.”

_Can we start again? Charles?_

“Erik, are you listening to me? Erik? Erik? Erik…?!”

_We have to start again…_

“Erik, Erik, god, Erik, what have you done. Erik… I need… God, I need a doctor. Somebody help. Oh God, somebody help. Erik, hey, hey, stay with me. Stay with me. Erik.

“One… more… try.”

“Erik. Erik. Hey, hey, look at me. Stay with me. Erik!! Erik. Please!!”

_Can we start again?_

“Charles…”

_There you are, old friend, I knew we could start again, I knew you would forgive me. I knew you wouldn’t go where I could not follow. Charles…_


End file.
